new year has always been special, it gives hope to every living creature in this planet. but what if this favorite new year, only on its first week brought you too much heartaches? will you still consider to live your life the way you had it last year? or you will make some alterations?
my 2007 has gone beyond my worst of last year, in a matter of week. it started on the very fist day. feeling of loneliness never fail to cross my path, good thing i have LOTS OF FRIENDS to accompany me and make me happy. i think im starting to be the drama queen. the star of every night, meal and inuman. crying here, there and everywhere. name it. ha ha and ha.
NUMBER 1: I NEED FEWER SECRETS. an event last week told me that a secret means secret, once revealed, spoils everything. what if a certain secret is a common knowledge to everybody? i don’t think its a secret. but if just ONE PERSON who doesn’t have a goddamn idea of that common knowledge, still, its a secret. its a secret maybe because it shouldn’t be known to all or worst to ONE PERSON. the most horrible part is knowing the secret. you feel betrayed, even if you are not in the position to be, but you’re friends, so you will forgive AND in a snap of a finger everything will be JUST FINE…
- she said said SORRY. i did forgive her, but in the back of my mind and heart, her sorry isn’t enough to make me feel better, so there’s something wrong with me NOT HER.
NUMBER 2. I NEED A LITTLE RESPECT. here’s the thing. never in my life he actually helped me. im no longer a little girl who will simply cry after he hurt me. im a grown WOMAN, i still cry, but this time, my tears bear hatred. and i hate you for making me cry everytime i remember that incident. im not a kid. im not even your friend. all i need is a liitle respect from my brother, as a woman even if not a sister.
- everything will be fine, i know, but you have gone overboard. all i want is you to say SORRY, but i cant promise if that will be enough
NUMBER 3: I DON’T NEED YOUR CONCERN. you cannot reverse what has been said and done. it ruined the peace i have for the past few weeks. i dont have any real problems at all, except waking up at 6 in the morning and having my nails cleaned. i am living peacefully, until you said your concerns. if you’re are thinking that you’re after my welfare, well sorry i dont need your concern. spare me from your mind, let me live my life alone.
- i am BAD! i shouldn’t have this attitude towards you, i should pay you some respect, you don’t deserve it anyway. if your way of saying you’re sorry is by wanting me to stay near you. i dont need your sorry at all.
a friend of mine says that sometimes it doesn’t matter what other people think, what more important is yourself and your feelings. it sounds so damn selfish. but i know, some people will prefer a snob real friend than a pleasing plastic.
it all boils down to me having a real problem. sad part is, my life will never be the same without them. and i hate myself for having a big heart to understand and forgive every situation, so i end up tormenting myself.
somebody said that forgiveness is not actually what is difficult because one’s always too ready to forgive, and it does no good that’s obvious
